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Breaking Up Is Hard To Do: One Black Woman’s Story

A relationship is the most difficult avenue to pursue in the form of a marriage or just a plain old relationship. We meet someone, and we think he might be the one, our soul mate. That is the mistake we make about someone being our soul mate. Only God is our soul mate, and those are the relevant facts. If you think a male or female is your mate, then you’re barking up the wrong tree. I’ve learned the hard way that breaking up is very hard to do.

By Carol Ann Culbert-Johnson, Contributor

We’ve all played the relationship game. We have our ups and downs, but all in all the relationship is working out. We never find him/her in a compromising position, so we believe that everything is going to be fine. We might just get engaged to this person, or we might just skip the engagement and end up getting married. Now that would be nice.

No, thank you very much. If you’re on the same page with this male or female, then the two of you want the same things in life. At intervals, we find ourselves on the wrong page. I even thought I was on the right page with a man, but it turned out that he was playing me for a fool, and the woman he was with was also being played for a fool.

1. How can a woman even go about trusting a man?

2. How can a man trust a woman?

3. If a woman is faithful to a man, and he’s not faithful to her, should the woman move on?

4. If a man is faithful to a woman, and she’s not faithful to him, should the man move on?

5. Why should we both fall in love?

6. Is there such a thing as a faithful human being?

These are questions I’d like an answer to. I’m confused and baffled by the concepts of what a man thinks a relationship is. Men usually walk up to me and begin a conversation. If the conversation is going right for both parties, then numbers are exchanged, and the courting begins. Is this a time to get happy or cautious? Cautious sounds like a sane plan to me. Why get over excited about someone giving you their phone number when you might find out all kinds of secrets? The stress isn’t worth it and then some, thank you very much.

Are we tired of dating in fear of breaking up? I spent a year and a half with someone, and we continued to talk from time to time. I got a rude awakening when I overheard a conversation he was having, but he didn’t know I was listening. It woke me up, shocked the heck out of me, and made me sad. I knew our relationship was over when he was telling his friend that he had met an older woman, and she wanted to move in with him.

In the meantime, this bastard was telling me that I was the only woman in his life, and he didn’t have time to date anyone else because he was working two jobs. When I confronted the bastard he tried explaining or confessing, or just plain lying to me, and I bought into the game, of course.

I knew the bastard was cheating on me because the signs were right in front of my face:

o We didn’t talk that much.

o He didn’t call that much.

o We didn’t go anywhere.

o He had excuses after excuses.

o He wasn’t into me.

I knew the warning signs, but I just didn’t want to give him up. The relationship was over, and deep down inside I knew this fact, but I just couldn’t let myself be totally not into this man. He came through for me at intervals, but it wasn’t a lot, believe me.

When I heard him discussing another woman, I knew the relationship was over. I confronted him, and he had the nerve to try and lie his way out of it. I told him that I didn’t want to hear it, and also told him to have a nice life and move on.

This relationship is finished, and it’s official. I just can’t get over this fact. The breakup is truly hard to do at any given moment. I don’t miss the man, but I miss the relationship. Can you understand this fact?

There was nothing in the man to miss. I’m not in a relationship, and I want to be in one. What am I going to do? It’s the end of my life, and then some.

I mean you’re going to feel this way for a while because the pain of a breakup is just like a divorce, of any kind. Obviously, you cared for the person, and maybe he cared for you. The dynamics of a man intercepts a man being faithful and those are the facts in a nutshell. I ask again, can a man be faithful to a woman?

In my opinion, no, of course not, I frowned to myself. There’s not a man in the City of Chicago, or earth who will be faithful to just one woman, so we need to come to these terms, and face the ugly facts.

I thought about joining the ranks of cheating on my man because I wanted to justify my actions when I found out that he was cheating on me. I could pay him back for hurting me, of course. When will men learn that a relationship is what you make it, and if you can’t be faithful, then you shouldn’t be in one!

The breakup is the most devastating feeling in the world and then some, and it takes women a lot longer to get over this madness. Even though the man is a bastard, and pain in the fanny, he had overcome some of his qualities, or we wouldn’t have been in the relationship with him in the first place. There’s just no justification for pain and suffering, and it’s going to happen when you’re in a relationship for various reasons. Can you handle it?

Right now I’m in a grieving state of mind, and it’s not pretty. An acquaintance of mine informed me of a few things. She had been in a relationship for six years with someone, and now they were married, but she still believed that her husband was cheating on her. She finds the evidence, but she’s not about to go down breakup madness and be alone. She doesn’t have to work; she has three children by this man; a big gorgeous house, and an allowance. Why would she do something as crazy as breaking up with this man? The idea of getting a job is a nightmare on wheels. It’s out of the question.

Her solution is cheating on her man, also. She has had a few flings and has moved on. If her husband wanted to play the cheating game, then he had to realize that she was also going to play the cheating game too.

When he found out about her cheating, he wasn’t thrilled, but he stopped his deceitful and hurtful tendencies for a while. When she sees that he’s repeating the same pattern, then she joins the game again.

I think it’s lousy to play these games, but what choice does she have? Men will cheat, and if you can’t go along with the program, then you should be alone for the duration of your life.

I think I’ll be alone for a while, and nurse my breaking up with this man. I don’t think I’m going to get right back into the game for a while because I think I need a break from the hassles of breaking up, and trying to get into another relationship when it might fall flat on my face again. I just don’t have the energy.

You might be saying around this time that I am taking the easy way out, but I disagree because I’m taking the only way out. I’m preventing myself from going through the breaking up blues again. I just don’t need the stress, thank you very much.

When you really think about it after you get over the weeping and the pain, you realize that the bastard you just broke up with wasn’t the man of your dreams; and you were better off without him in your life. The breakup was the best thing that ever happened to you, and you won’t see this until your mourning period is up; time heals all wounds, and you finally move on.

Remember that bastard didn’t deserve you, and you’re better off because your mate is still right around that corner. You might not see him/her until you heal from the pain, but breaking up isn’t so hard to do after all. It’s a blessing in disguise.

Find out more about Carol Ann at Twitter.com/jcarolann

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